Philosophizer

Independence Day! Americans are awesome/dicks. In other news, water is wet.

2010-07-04T12:56:00.002-05:00

Watching the History Channel's "The Revolution" last night on the tivobox with Mom 'n Dad, and I noticed something that I think I must have learned in AP American History but never really thought about:The Patriots were dicks.
They pulled off some really awesome stuff in creating a country like nothing anyone had ever seen before, but also, dicks.
Sure, the British did their share of stupid stuff, like thinking that clamping down with martial law was the way to shut down a burgeoning rebellion, but y'know, we started it.
Why, you say?
Well, the Revolution was started over the Stamp Act, which you probably learned about. Parliament said that we had to buy a stamp to go on, like, every piece of paper we had - I think the show put it as "everything from legal documents to playing cards".
But here's the part that gets me. You probably learned about this as just another obnoxious Parliament thinking they could squeeze the colonies for no reason thing, an affront to liberty, etc. But what the Stamp Act Tax was meant to pay for was the Seven Years' War, which in our part of the world was known as the French and Indian War.
The British sent troops to defend the colonies against attack. And won. But it cost something like 40 million pounds, in 1700s money. Parliament set up the Stamp Act to try to get the colonies to help cover some of the debt they'd incurred.
Yup, the Revolution was started by people who expected their government to give them stuff without them having to pay for it. They don't call them Republicans for nothing, amirite?
The patriots believed in free speech, and exercised it by destroying the printing presses used by people who disagreed with them.
And the Boston Massacre. Oh, man. A bunch of people start a riot, try to kill some soldiers with rocks, the soldiers freak, and some people are killed by muskets not even aimed at them, and somehow this is the soldiers' fault. But you know what's awesome? I didn't know this - John Adams was their lawyer, and saved them all from being executed. He thought that it was important that the patriots not lose sight of basic rights, even if they were for British soldiers.
Anyway, this all just snowballed into some actual fair grievances, which the British just kept slapping down instead of dealing with, and these dicks went on to become some of the most impressive statesmen in history, and rightfully so, considering all they managed to do.

So I say Happy Birthday, America! Hold your head high and say, "We're dicks! And that's awesome!"

2010-03-22T11:09:00.001-05:00

Everyone fill out your census! Otherwise you might lose a Congresscritter. Too bad we can't 'lose' Bachmann - oops, she must've fallen behind the couch!

2010-03-13T09:25:00.001-06:00

Got a call from the GOP nat'l committee Friday while I was out. Just registered my DL in MN in Jan. So desperate they're on new people like me on mac n cheese.

There were a surprising amount of Pentecostals in the Quad Cities.

2010-03-13T09:11:00.000-06:00

Something that bugs me just a bit, as someone with long hair (at the moment) - the (Christian at least) groups that want their women to cover their hair or always wear it up, don't allow them to just cut it off and solve the 'angels will want to bone you' problem that way.
Sorry, Pentecostals. You fail at hair. Also, logic.

Jim Croce only really has one song anyway.

2010-03-13T08:52:00.002-06:00

You know, in "You Don't Mess Around with Jim", he says, "You don't tug on Superman's cape" as part of a list of things you don't do because something bad will happen to you. But if you did tug on Superman's cape, he'd just be like, "hey, cut it out". Because he's Superman.

Famous People I Want to Punch in the Face: A New Philosophizer Feature

2009-07-27T00:00:00.001-05:00

Well, not really new, per se - Kelis was our first installment - but I've decided that such a rich topic deserves more attention.

Anyway, today's famous person I want to punch in the face: Taylor Swift.

Just listen to her song "You Belong With Me".

All about how she's a nerdy girl in love with her best friend, who loves a cheerleader and never sees her.
"She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, she's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers..."
Oh, please. Taylor Swift, you are a beautiful blond princess who I'm certain has never been overlooked by a boy you wanted, ever. Just for once, can't you let an actual nerdy girl make it big with this song, instead of being all "poor me, I'm just not hot enough *tosses blond hair as boys do your bidding*"
Give me a fuckin' break. From all the girls out there who actually do have this problem: shut the hell up, cheerleader.

Also, "Love Story". Good for you, I'm proud you successfully passed sophomore English. You are not Romeo and Juliet, nor are you Hester Prynne. Your teenage love is not difficult and tortured and you are not a special snowflake just because Dad doesn't like your boyfriend. I liked this song a lot better when I thought the chorus said "This love is *typical*, but it's real..."
You are not special. Every teenager thinks this. It's a cliche for a reason.

In short, punch in the face.

Been a long time.

2009-07-24T22:49:00.004-05:00

So here are pictures of cats.

This is Loki Tiberius Cat.

And this is Harvey Charlene Dent Cat.

They're fuzzy.

Argh, hiding things on your website

2008-04-21T20:00:00.003-05:00

I tried and tried and couldn't find a place on Amazon.com to send in suggestions. And I have several; maybe if I put them here someone will find them!

in the search-narrowing items, make it so you can also use them to eliminate categories (for example, I was just searching for a new 2.5" hard drive, and I would've liked to be able to eliminate everything smaller than I want, without having to rule out a good deal on something bigger than I expected.)
have a way to sort by, or only show, things that are eligible for Super Saver shipping.
as a corollary, sort by lowest price including shipping.
improve category tagging - this is something that drives me batty about eBay as well. Hard drive enclosures should not be listed under 'internal hard drives'. I know sellers set those, but maybe there could be some kind of system where users could suggest proper tagging, or note items that don't belong in a category?

Thoughts?

Pardon me, sir, but I appear to be haX0ring ur network

2008-04-18T21:53:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I identified a strange overlap between two fields I never expected to have any commonality - table manners, especially traditional Continental styles, and being a geek. Two unrelated fields, both of which - get this - will train you to be able to eat with a fork in your left hand. Continental manners dictate that you not swap your fork back into your right hand after cutting food on your plate; most people write and mouse with their right hand. So, I realized that my high school French Club dinner training meant that I could eat and do a puzzle or work online at the same time. I'm sure mes profs have all suddenly felt a strange chill go down their spines just now.

"It's too late, Elliot - he's already gone."

2008-04-08T17:12:00.002-05:00

Barack Obama ponders Floating Head President?

Just because you have a uterus doesn't mean you have to use it.

2008-04-04T00:53:00.003-05:00

As promised over at Dubito, here's my crude attempt at a bumper sticker in response to those cutesy ones with a baby on them that say, "I'm a child, not a choice!"

Now, I don't have any problem at all with women who choose to incubate offspring - some illogical part of my brain figures that other people having children means I don't have to - but even if you do have kids, you are more than your uterus. And I think that's something everyone (or at least everyone who doesn't hate women) can get behind.

If anyone likes this, feel free to use it, but it would rock my world if you credit me. And if you make money off it, I want a cut :)

Other uses for hair gel?

2008-03-23T11:53:00.003-05:00

So I've acquired several bottles of hair gel. I don't use gel, and Jon will only use a very specific kind, of which these are not. Any ideas as to what non-hair use I could put it to?

Alternatively, if someone wants a crapload of gel, drop me a line and I'll send it all to you.

Actually, now that I'm on the subject, what should I do with a bunch of eyeshadow and lipstick I'm not going to use on my face? They've all been used at least once, and none of them are fancy brands, so I doubt anyone would want them, but I'd prefer not to just pitch it all. Thoughts?

'Recycle' or Reuse?

2008-03-21T18:53:00.003-05:00

So, I've had this question floating around my head for, like, forever.
Is it better/more ethical to modify a possession you have to make it more useful/pleasing to you, or to donate it to charity? (For example, reconstructing t-shirts vs. giving them to Goodwill.)

I'm having trouble deciding.

I need to pare down, but I don't want to get rid of things that I could use and then find myself replacing them in a few months.
I don't get a tax break for donations, but my mom and dad do, so I give them my stuff to donate along with theirs, but we're not talking anything more valuable than a few old cotton sweaters and t-shirts.
I want to alter some clothes to make them more like things I like (v-necks instead of crews, for example), but I'd hate to cut them all up and then decide I don't like them, but now they're not good enough to donate.

I'm overthinking this, so I decided to post it and let you do the work instead!
(I also emailed it to Unclutterer.com, so if I hear anything from them, I'll post/link it.)

Philosophizer and Thomas Dubya Hobbes Present: Loliticians!

2008-02-12T17:09:00.001-06:00

Rudy Giuliani spent $50 million to win one delegate, then promptly dropped out of the race.

Global warming is in ur jetstream, fuX0r1ng ur weathers

2008-02-08T20:54:00.000-06:00

So in the last month we've had three instances of temperature shifts between low-40s and single digits in a span of less than 36 hours. And if I hear one more person say "hurr hurr I guess that shows those climate scientists a thing or two", I will KILL. Because seriously, you shouldn't speak about things you don't understand. This weather is evidence of global warming - it makes every kind of weather more extreme and variable. Summers are hotter, winters are colder, droughts are drier, monsoon rains are wetter, hurricanes, tornadoes, and thunderstorms are stronger and more dangerous.

So, science. Get some.

Countdown to idiot MRAs thinking this is real and/or a good idea starts now

2007-12-06T13:50:00.000-06:00

Onion: Man Finally Put in Charge of Feminist Movement
I love the part where he shatters the glass ceiling by 'making some calls to the big boys at the top'.

Friday Random Ten: Are My Ovaries Exploding Edition

2007-12-06T13:29:00.000-06:00

Soulja Boy gets to be number one because he was performing here last weekend. Jon explained to me that to "Roosevelt that ho" means to attempt to pack the Supreme Court so they stop striking down your shit.
Ookla the Mok - Baby's Head (baby's got a soft spot)
ABBA - Fernando
Ben Folds - Such Great Heights
Eric Johnson - Cliffs of Dover
Thurl Ravenscroft and Dr. Seuss - You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch
Eartha Kitt - Santa Baby
DMX - Party Up - which, by the way, the three simultaneously most terrifying and most awesome words are "DMX Christmas album"
Like 12 versions of my favorite Christmas carol, Do You Hear What I Hear
The National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation theme

Also, my ovaries are not exploding. At least, not any more than usual. Thank you for asking.

I so called this.

2007-12-06T13:20:00.000-06:00

I just saw a Hillary Clinton ad featuring Wesley Clark. VP anyone?

Also, the calling her by her first name vs. last name for Obama. I thought about it and realized that, yes, I call her Hillary and him Obama, but I say:

Rudy
John McCain and John Edwards
"Who?" (Chris Dodd)
the crazy magnet and the gnome (Paul and Kucinich - who Jon calls 'the Kooch')
Alan "I'm blacker than you" Keyes
Mitt-Mitt - which is almost always preceded by the phrase 'shut your hole'. Eventually I think my brain's going to just assume that "Shut Your Hole Mitt-Mitt" is his actual name.

edited 2/8/2008 to add: after Super Tuesday, Republicans are now reduced to a choice between Walnuts and Fuckabee. I just like saying that one. Give it a try - Fuckabee. FUCKABEE!

Friday Random Ten: Christmas Shouldn't Start in November Edition

2007-11-09T16:56:00.000-06:00

Seriously. I spent yesterday and today, and will likely spend Sunday, decorating the store* for Christmas. (Well, I spent yesterday and this morning decorating, and this afternoon helping someone else change everything to the way she wanted it (which is fine, I just wish I'd known she had strong opinions before I started), but same thing.)

*yes, right now I work in a store. I'm on leave from the IT job, just so you know I'm actually trying and not giving up and settling for a life in retail.

Offspring - Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)
Weird Al - Weird Al Show Theme
The Coral - Dreaming of You
Shocking Blue - Venus
Weird Al - I'll Be Mellow When I'm Dead
Neil Diamond - Cracklin' Rosie
Killers - Somebody Told Me
Doors - Touch Me
Rolling Stones - Shattered
Soulja Boy - Crank That (only because Jon was going to do the Soulja Boy dance for me)

Underneath it all, apparently I'm eight years old.

2007-11-08T22:10:00.000-06:00

I laughed for a minute straight when I saw this.

It doesn't hurt that this belongs to a former client of my company's who refused to pay us because 'they didn't feel like it'.

Oh my god, sheep is driving! How can this be?

2007-10-17T15:24:00.000-05:00

Car full of Kiwis!

Dang, it's been a long time since I posted anything.
So "Black Sheep" is a horror comedy in the style of "Shaun of the Dead". It's set in beautiful New Zealand and is awesome. Sounds like actual New Zealand actors in it, too. Sheep eat people. It's great. Hopefully we'll have a review up at Movies Schmovies soon, but Tom had to spend his evening figuring out how to teach high school sophomores about logical fallacies without offending anyone. So yeah. Go rent it.

Friday Random Ten on Saturday: Missing the Point Edition

2007-07-07T21:03:00.001-05:00

So I love the concept of the FRT, but since I rarely listen to music during the week, and usually carry around a limited playlist that I listen to obsessively until I scrap the whole thing and start fresh, it's hard. But in the spirit of the FRT, instead this week I give you:

The best concerts that never happened....

Earth, Wind & Fire, Aqua, and Heart - the Captain Planet tour
Snoop Dogg, Lil' Bow Wow, Bow Wow Wow, and Seal - the Things that Bark tour
Grand Funk Railroad, Chicago, Jefferson Airplane, and the Cars - the Transportation tour (Chicago started out as The Chicago Transit Authority)
Fountains of Wayne and Garth Brooks - the Schwing! tour
Pink Floyd, Jethro Tull, Molly Hatchet, and Alice Cooper (though he has to open, since he doesn't quite fit anymore) - the No Such Person tour (alternatively, if you want to get obscure, the Gravy Train tour - "And by the way, which one's Pink?")

OK, that's a good start. Share yours, and let me know if you've heard of any band/musician with the name Anne/Ann or Emily in their name, because I want to put them with Good Charlotte as the Bronte Sisters tour.

How dare they have my idea first!

2007-07-07T20:39:00.001-05:00

D. Simpson of I Drew This did my Republican Opposite Day joke back in 2004.

I swear, I just now, today, was introduced to this comic. I love it. But I swear I didn't steal the joke.

Bastards.

Friday Random Ten: Fergalicious Edition

2007-06-01T16:57:00.001-05:00

What the hell is "floxy"? I know I'm not the only one who hears it.

Is it this?

Or this?

Or this?

Or maybe even this?

Anyway, the ten:

Ben Folds - Rent-a-Cop
Neil Young - Heart of Gold
Beatles - Hey Bulldog
Paul McCartney and Wings - Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey
Donovan - Sunshine Superman
Led Zeppelin - Misty Mountain Hop
Ringo Starr - Back Off Boogaloo
George Harrison - When We Was Fab
Who - Join Together
Peter, Paul, & Mary - If I Had a Hammer

Bonus of Bob Dylan - Positively 4th Street. I didn't actually listen to this, but I talked about it with my boss today.

omg i can has lols!

2007-06-01T12:51:00.001-05:00

http://laughingsquid.com/roll-your-own-lol-not-just-for-cats-anymore/

OK, go here, then go to all the wonderful lolsites. Highlights include:

Televangelists

Theorists

lolChaucer

Batmans

Presidents

more Presidents

of course, this assumes that you already go to I Can Has Cheezburger?

you do, right?

you better if you know what's good for you....

that being, lolcats!

Friday Random Ten: Eating Waffles Edition

2007-05-25T08:50:00.001-05:00

Bangles - Different Light
Fatboy Slim - Praise You
Ozzy Osbourne - Crazy Train
Rob Paravonian - Pachelbel
Ben Folds - Underground
U2 - Discotheque
White Stripes - Seven Nation Army
Alice Cooper - School's Out
Timbuk 3 - My Future's So Bright (I Gotta Wear Shades)
Escape Club - Wild Wild West
Ben Folds - Rockin' the Suburbs - Shake your booty while the band complains...... - yes, I loves me some Ben Folds. I got to see him in concert. That was a fun 2 days - I drove 2 1/2 hours after work to see him at a college and got back home at god-knows-when in the morning to get up the next day at 7:30 to go to work, then that night saw Eric Clapton - fortunately he was playing 5 minutes from my house.

How could this not be the best thing evar?

2007-04-26T09:19:00.001-05:00

A webcomic about the adventures of a doctor who is also a ninja.

Seriously. Dr. McNinja. Admittedly I've only read one story arc*, but the concept alone spells awesome.

*A shadowy nemesis unmasks himself to reveal that he has a secret weapon against the doctor - he's a kid with terminal cancer, so the doctor can't in good conscience defeat him. So the doc cures his cancer instead.

I want to punch Kelis in the face

2007-04-11T21:46:00.001-05:00

The finger cymbals! They hit in the wrong places! ARGGGH!

Sure, she could be deliberately violating the conventions of music, but judging by the normalcy of the rest of the song, I think not.

Edited on July 7, 2007: I've identified that it's possible that the hits are evenly spaced, but simply out of phase with the music - like, they take place in multiples of something that's not divisible by the 4/4 meter of the rest of the song. It sounds like they happen a measure later each time the chorus cycles through. This does not reduce my desire to punch Kelis in the face.

OMG open source software is for COMMIEZ!1!

2007-02-17T11:33:00.000-06:00

I'm just waiting to hear it. 'It's PATRIOTIC to only use software you had to pay for! Linux is treason! Why do you hate AMERICA?!'*

What the hell am I talking about? Go here.

*Note: I know approximately jack about Linux and work for a tech company that's a Microsoft partner. But aside from that we're all about the free stuff.

Friday Random Ten: A Week Behind Edition

2007-01-26T12:46:00.000-06:00

I totally wish I could use moving as an excuse for missing last week, especially since I had my list all ready and just didn't take the time to post it, but that's this week. Here's what I heard on the radio last week:

Scorpions - Rock You Like A Hurricane
Patty Smyth - Goodbye to You (I think.)
Van Halen - Beautiful Girls
Black Crowes - Hard To Handle
Gwen Stefani - Wind it Up
Van Halen - Dance the Night Away
Def Leppard - Pour Some Sugar on Me
THE COOG! - Jack and Diane
INXS - New Sensation
BTO - Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet

So the odd one out is Gwen. I was in Old Navy, and I realized two things. One, Gwen's latest work and Fergie's stuff are the Pixi Sticks of music - tasty, but without substance, not very good for you, and some people are allergic to them.

Two, what the hell, Old Navy? Who told you you were allowed to do that to fashion?! I had a gift certificate, and I used it on the one sweater that wasn't either expensive, god-awful, or both, and some plain socks. Formal capris, '70s upholstery prints, and maternity-looking tunics are Not. Ok. Just no.

Friday Random Ten: Working Ahead Edition

2007-01-12T09:53:00.000-06:00

Wednesday's driving all over town list (yes, I kept track, so I'd be prepared for today's post!):

Outkast - Hey Ya
Bowling for Soup - 1985
Gwen Stefani - Hollaback Girl
Golden Earring - Twilight Zone
Frankie Goes to Hollywood - Relax
Collective Soul - Shine
Genesis - I Can't Dance
Duran Duran - Hungry Like the Wolf
Heart - Barracuda
Jethro Tull - Aqualung
Killers - Somebody Told Me
ELO - Don't Bring Me Down
Haddaway - What Is Love?
Gerry Rafferty - Right Down the Line

I also listened to, among other things, Rock Flock of Five[edited to add, apparently it's the George Baker Selection?] - Little Green Bag from the Reservoir Dogs soundtrack, today.

And I was listening to 311 today, and it maked me think of my first CD purchases.

My first CD (not album - I owned some cassettes, naturally, I'm not that young) was Ace of Base "The Sign".

You may boo me now.

I still own it, and listen to it on driving trips.

I kind of made up for it as my next two were Sgt. Pepper and the Magical Mystery Tour, bought at the same time. After that, it was 311, Garbage, and Soundgarden (all self-titled).

How about you, my three readers? What were the first music purchases you made? I'm also curious about, specifically, the first thing you bought when you switched over to the 'new technology', whatever that was in your youth. (i.e., I switched to CDs in middle school with Ace of Base, my brother went over to mp3s in high school, my mom and dad went from records to cassettes in college.)

Ooh, and what was the first mp3 you remember searching for? I seem to think mine might have been Genesis - I Can't Dance, since I could only find the live version on albums at the time.

Addendum to FRT: Alligator Edition

2007-01-10T13:07:00.000-06:00

I realized I never actually explained I Write Puns Not Alligators. So mentally add this on after the last sentence of that post (I don't like editing after this long, and besides, postwhoring.)

So that kid would make lists of not-actually-synonyms, right? And one day we were talking about him and Tom (who was his editor at the paper) says, during an imitation of him, "See, it's a pun! A funny play on words! An alligator!"

....Maybe you had to be there, but if you know Tom (go read him, he's in my sidebar at the Fortress), you should be able to picture the hilarity.

Political Musings: found draft!

2007-01-10T13:05:00.000-06:00

I wrote this in November and forgot about it because it was so tiny. But I like it. So you get it anyway.

Nixon's Committee to Re-Elect the President. Abbreviated CREEP. Now, he was a clever man - he had to have known. I wonder if the acronym amused him.

Friday Random Ten: How can a 30-hour work week feel like too much? Edition

2007-01-05T20:39:00.000-06:00

And the sad thing is, I love my work.

I seriously need to start posting all the stuff I think about posting. Dang. And get that HUHO post out of draft.

This list is mostly populated by the stuff that played on the radio at the client I was working on today.

Guns 'n Roses - Sweet Child O' Mine
Genesis - Tonight
INXS - What You Need
Divinyls - I Touch Myself (in techno!)
Grateful Dead - Truckin'
Human League - Don't You Want Me?
David Bowie and Mick Jagger - Dancing in the Street
Chipmunks - P.S. I Love You (Jon is a sick individual and has been playing Chipmunks Sing the Beatles in the car.)
Some girls at Applebee's - Video Killed the Radio Star (they were singing along with the ipod they were sharing the headphones to - all of a sudden I hear "Oh, oh!" in the middle of lunch.)
Panic at the Disco - I Write Sins Not Allegories .....

At my house, this is called I Write Puns Not Alligators because of a horrible emo-y writer we know. He had a tendency to put together lists of things that were all supposed to be synonymous and, well, weren't. (Example being putting "making out" as a synonym for "going all the way" and [ugh] "proving our love".) He also was a hateful man who hated fun. And despite the awesome name, Panic at the Disco, especially this song, sounds exactly like him.

And I don't like all this responsibility stuff. Working, keeping up with even a weekly post (though I do struggle with the FRT because even when I do listen to music, it tends to be the same things over and over for quite a while, then I scrap the whole list after a few weeks or months and start again, so I have to scrounge for things to put on my list.)

God, loser!

But Loki is chasing a toymouse around like mad, and that's cheering me up.

Friday Random Ten: Dead Saddam Edition

2006-12-29T18:36:00.000-06:00

The list this week doesn't actually have anything to do with him, but I'm watching the coverage as I write this, and felt like I should at least mention such a piece of news, even though I don't really have much to say. I feel weird about the fact that he's dead. I don't really have an opinion on the death penalty as a policy issue, but it makes me feel weird, because it's the ultimate premeditated killing. Somehow, it's strange to be notified in advance that at X time, a person will be dead. Especially when it's someone who is such a cultural figure like Saddam. He's a kind of celebrity, and he was publically, openly put to death.

It's weird. That's all I know to say about it.

Anyway, the list, which I started making in my head this morning, is themed "songs with weird time signatures", because rock (which is what I listen to almost exclusively) is heavily skewed toward 4/4 with a steady tempo. With help from Wikipedia:

Pink Floyd - Money: in 7/4. Conducted as pairs of 3/4, 4/4 measures, at least the way I always heard it with the triplets, and that's what the sheet music says, although David Gilmour calls it 7/8, and according to music scholars, it's technically in 21/8!
Blood, Sweat, and Tears - And When I Die: I can't find anything on it, but it sounds like a mix of 4/4 and 3/4 to me, changing with the different tempos. (tempi.)
Jesus Christ Superstar - Everything's Alright: one of my favorite 5/4s.
Mission: Impossible Theme - not the modern version: also a 5/4, we did it in band and it was pretty nifty.
Jethro Tull - Living In The Past: 5/4.
Jethro Tull - Thick As A Brick: 6/8. Crazy fluteman is all about the fun time sigs. The article calls it as partially in 10/8, but doesn't say if I'm right on the 6/8 for the rest. But damnit, I can hear it! It sounds medieval.
John Carpenter - Theme from Halloween: 5/4. I heard this thing way too much when I worked at Six Flags during Fright Fest. A fun change from the usual location music, which I heard so much of that I'd hear it in my dreams.
Peter Gabriel - Solsbury Hill: 7/4.
Styx - Fooling Yourself (The Angry Young Man): 7/4 in some of the keyboard solos. I also think some of the opening keyboard work is either in 6/8 or heavy on triplets.
Beatles - All You Need Is Love: the verses are in 7/4.

Bonus America from West Side story: split 6/8, 3/4.

Friday Random Ten: Leaving On a Jet Plane Edition

2006-12-21T12:07:00.000-06:00

Early, since my interwebbing will be iffy this weekend.

Prince - 1999 - because as long as it's not, in fact, 1999, I decided that you can legitimately party like it's 1999
Jello Biafra and Mojo Nixon - Plastic Jesus - Martha, if you ever see this, it's for you.
Violent Femmes - American Music
Miami Sound Machine - Turn the Beat Around
Killers - Somebody Told Me
O-Zone - Dragostea din tei - in Hungarian
Sean Paul - Get Busy - might as well be in Hungarian
Presidents of the USA - (twofer) Lump and Peaches - Lookout! (ninjas appear)
Jason Mraz - Curbside Prophet - I never noticed before, but he mentions SpaceGhost!
Fergie - Fergalicious - she's expanding the reach of her fascist Fergtatorship

Bonus track: Jimi Mistry - Chori Chori Gori Se - I swear this man is the Venga Boys of Bollywood. Seriously, listen to it, and tell me that doesn't sound like the same semi-truck horn accent. Plus, it's got steeldrums!

Friday Random Ten Not On Friday: Middle of the Night Edition

2006-12-17T01:55:00.000-06:00

I never remember about this until I read everyone else's the next day.

Disturbed - Land of Confusion
Kelis - Milkshake
Outkast - Hey Ya
Miami Sound Machine - Turn the Beat Around
Beatles - Helter Skelter
Boomtown Rats - I Don't Like Mondays
Peter Gabriel - Big Time
Cranberries - Zombie
Eve 6 - Inside Out
Rolling Stones - Sympathy for the Devil

And Jon and cat pic: Jon communes with The Loki.

Your mother's a tracer!

2006-12-07T20:48:00.000-06:00

So there's a vehicle that I see parked near my office building frequently. Along with its multiple "Character Counts" bumper stickers (which I'm told are from a local elementary school program, but I remain suspicious), it has one that says "I don't believe the Liberal Media".

And my first thought was, good for you, van owner! You shouldn't believe what the liberal media tells you, for the same reason you shouldn't believe what you're told by, say, a blue dragon wearing rhinestone pants. Because, to quote Banky Edwards, they're both figments of your fucking imagination!

Johnny Hart, why did you have to start sucking?

2006-12-07T20:39:00.000-06:00

B.C. comic for today, Pearl Harbor Day (here)

OOh, look, Americans are sellouts for not boycotting products from a country whose ass we kicked and whose leaders that fought us are likely all dead by now! Not to mention the fact that lots of Toyotas are built in Ohio, and Americans own stock in it!

WTF, mate, WTF.

(My parents own a bunch of B.C. collections from the '70s or '80s, and he didn't used to be a weird conservative nut. Sad times for my comic pages when all that started.)

FRT: I don't understand 'Friday' edition

2006-11-18T20:52:00.000-06:00

Seriously, self, wtf?

Fergie - Fergalicious
Electric Six - Gay Bar
Beatles - Baby You're A Rich Man
Tenacious D - The Pick of Destiny
Genesis - Land of Confusion
Boston - Peace of Mind
U2 - With or Without You
Jim Carrey as The Mask - Cuban Pete
John Mayer - Waiting On The World To Change
America - Horse With No Name

And in lieu of catblogging, bunnyblogging, from my visit to BunTown! (a family farm in my area lets you visit with the pet rabbits they raise.)

Friday Random Ten: A Capella Edition

2006-10-28T21:35:00.000-05:00

Shower singing and car cd player dying singing made this list, as noted. Yes, I know it's Saturday night. I have trouble keeping track of what day it is.

Rush - Closer to the Heart (stereo died)
Jesus Christ Superstar - Everything's All Right (in the shower)
They Might Be Giants - Istanbul (Not Constantinople)
Seekers - Love Potion #9
Chi-Lites - Are You My Woman
Joe Walsh - Life's Been Good
Rob Paravonian - Pachelbel
Peter, Paul, and Mary - If I Had A Hammer
Yes - Your Move/I've Seen All Good People
and this time it's actually relevant instead of a running joke - Don Quixote - Man of La Mancha (not Scott Bakula this time; I just got 'Don Quixote' as an e-book from Project Gutenberg, and though I haven't started it yet, the song got stuck in my head)

I am a lightswitch.

2006-10-26T19:58:00.000-05:00

It's an inelegant metaphor, but I just figured out something that I'd been struggling with in attempts to understand myself. Where the ideal functioning of the mind is kind of like a dimmer switch, mine's a plain up-and-down. Now, this isn't so much the part that's new - my ex always told me that I saw everything in black and white, that I took everything to extremes, and in some sense he was right. I always hated it when he said that, and really wished I could deny it, though, because the way he said it always carried this implication of, you don't see the shades of gray, therefore you don't understand nuances, mature minds can deal with complexity and nuance, therefore, you're immature. It always felt like a veiled insult, whether he meant all of that or not, but I knew that the surface description was accurate. So it hurt. A lot. It was just one more way in which he thought I wasn't grown-up enough to take care of myself.

But, to pun on my metaphor, a lightbulb went off for me today - a train of thought I'd been teasing out since I last talked to my counselor about not being a good enough person (I promise the connection will be explained further in) finally reached the key step - I remembered that I tend to go to extremes, but suddenly realized that this was not, in fact, indicative of an inability to understand complex nuanced ideas, but a reaction based on seeing too many shades of gray and not knowing how to process them. The more I learn about ADD, the more I hear that our issue isn't, for many, a true deficit of attention; though it appears that we aren't taking in information around us, the real problem, at least the way it looks from inside our head, is that we can't process and decide what information to pay attention to and what to discard.

It hasn't solved the problem of what to do about it, but realizing that being a lightswitch doesn't make me immature or stupid made me feel better, and made me more able to understand what's happening in there.

To give an example, I like Revenge of the Nerds. But I feel like a bad person, because I shouldn't, because there's an implied rape-by-deception scene in there that's treated as comedy. I feel like I should condemn the movie, never watch it again, reject the people who made it, and not be friends with anyone who likes it. But I'm not willing to do that, so therefore I am condoning rape. The same thing happened, only worse, when I found out that the guy who makes Girls Gone Wild is a rapist, being that my parents own those stupid things. I wasn't willing to disown my parents, and I should've. My counselor said that that was going too far, and that it was a reasonable decision to choose my longstanding loving relationship with my parents over making a statement (in my case, before people jump on her for not being enough of an activist), but I couldn't accept that, because I felt like I was just making excuses. How could I claim to oppose rape when I can't even be strong enough to cut ties with my family over their having unknowingly given money to a rapist?

Yes, I know it seems silly spelled out like that, and that's why I said it that way. My mind was telling me that the nebulous opinions of people who may not even exist - the people I would hope to prove myself to and hope to help by doing so - were worth more than my love for my family and theirs for me. She says not wanting to never speak to my family again was a good reason, but I felt like it was a weak-willed excuse coming from a person - me - who was deep down a truly hateful person, and that the excuse was just my way of covering my ass.

So since then I'd been thinking about it, especially thinking about what would motivate me to think this way. I thought about how sometimes I feel like I don't actually care, I just care about not being a bad person - kind of how there are people who have racist feelings, but don't voice them not because they care about stopping racism but because they know that saying things like that in polite society gets you ostracized. This got me thinking that maybe I worry so much because I'm afraid that if I don't keep a tight rein on myself, I won't care at all, or that I'm trying to make up for not disowning my family or whatever by CARING SO HARD!!1!1!!

But that doesn't really solve anything, does it? And as she pointed out, what would rejecting my family really do, anyway, other than make us all unhappy? It wouldn't actually make the world a better place, and one could argue that it'd make the world a slightly worse place because we'd all be miserable.

But not everything is that straightforward. And here's where the light switch fits in. Once I start seeing nuances, I see all of them, including ones that may not be there, and I don't trust my own judgment about what's real or not, and what's worth it or not. So in an attempt not to leave anything out, I just go all the way with it, and then hate myself for not being able to live up to a standard that no one's asking me to meet. But I can't tell for myself where the actual bar is, because of the cognitive overload. My default settings are that either everything's a fair reason to continue to do what I do - this is the off position, as I can't consciously not care, it only happens when I'm distracted from myself; or everything's an excuse and I'm just a horrible person. And the more I learn about liberal and feminist politics/philosophy/social work, the bigger the wattage that comes on when something flicks that switch.

I can't live in the dark, but the 3zillion watt bulb is burning my eyes out. I need to learn how to decide for myself where the bar is, and what counts and doesn't (obviously, misogyny is bad, and equality is good, but does that mean I can or cannot watch Law and Order SVU without guilt?). To flog the metaphor one last lame time, I'm hoping that the counseling can teach me how to install a dimmer switch on my brain.

Friday Random Ten: Found my Classic Rock MP3 CD Edition

2006-10-21T00:33:00.000-05:00

I thought I'd lost the cd I put all of my classic rock mp3s on. Again. Nicely enough, I found it in my mp3-cd enabled portable, and it was even labeled!

Ohio Players - Love Rollercoaster
Kinks - Lola
Led Zeppelin - Misty Mountain Hop
Billy Joel - A Matter of Trust
Guess Who - No Sugar/Mother Nature
Blood, Sweat, and Tears - Go Down Gamblin'
Mason Williams - Classical Gas
Fifth Dimension - Age of Aquarius
Who - Happy Jack
Wings - Jet

And cat pic:
He's currently taking up my whole lap, napping.

Bet you didn't think I'd actually make a list

2006-10-13T21:33:00.000-05:00

After all the fighting between Molly and Jill, I threatened to make a list of all the things that feminists are not allowed to do or like/must hate themselves for doing or liking. I’ve been thinking about this for days, but now I have something to credit it to that’s a little less depressing than “all the ways that being aware of feminism reminds me that I am a terrible person”.

So here we go, kids! (Includes self-indulgent commentary on whether or not I do it, or why it made the list.)

Wearing makeup. I’m not good at it, so I rarely wear it, but I do own a lot of it.
Dyeing your hair. Or fancy styling. I’ve had highlights, dyed my hair over almost black (which since I’m chocolate brown already, didn’t do much), and own cherry-red gloss dye. I also have hair down my back, but I don’t heat-style due to lack of coordination. Which leads us to:
Body hair removal. I go through phases. I also take requests if I think it’s for decent reasons (i.e., my partner dislikes underarm hair on anyone, including himself; he doesn’t like me going out showing hairy legs because he has to deal with the aftermath of me feeling like everyone is looking at me funny. No, the meds don’t stop the paranoid.)
Wearing heels. As long as they’re below a certain point, I like the different sensations of balance. Reminds me of marching band. I think it’s related to how I always wanted to dance in toe shoes – for me, heels require precision of movement, and I like it.
Wearing skirts, especially if they’re short. I don’t wear anything leg-baring very often anymore, because I don’t like having to do the prep work (see #2), but I do like my long skirts.
Liking girly colors.
Getting married, especially if it’s to a man. I’m cutting it close here – I’m not married yet, but I do live with a man.
Any sex with a man, but especially giving head. Bad straight girl, no cookie.
Not opposing porn. I don't want to get into details, but around here some of it's for heckling and some isn't.
Thinking the burqa photoshop (link goes to a critique, not the original post) made a good point. I’m white, so I’m not allowed to have an opinion, because by default, I’m already a racist. (It’s offensive for white people to think they have anything to say about race issues. For the record, I’m not saying they said this – I got this from a message board I used to go to.)
Watching Keith Olberman.
Watching Revenge of the Nerds. Funhouse scene.
Watching Kevin Smith movies.
Liking Star Wars.
Liking Star Trek.
Liking Indiana Jones.
Well shit, I’m not going to name every movie in the world just to beef up my list. You get the point.
Having cats, apparently. Does it help if my cat votes for liberals? (yes, he’s a – wait for it – DemoCat. Blame Jon for that one.)
Having a Citibank credit card, shopping at Walmart, eating meat, and driving a car. Oh, I’m sorry. Those belong on the list of progressive reasons why I hate myself.
Cooking, sewing, or doing any other hobbies that are ‘women’s work’. I knit and crochet, do a little sewing (mostly modifying stuff I have or very basic construction, like making a skirt by turning a piece of fabric into a tube with a drawstring waist), and cook every once in a while.
For a while there, I was convinced I had to disown my parents because they own Girls Gone Wild videos (the guy who makes them raped at least one of the 'stars'). I called my mother a rapist. I love my parents a great deal. This was a hide under the bed day.

Well, I think that gives us a good start. Let me know if you come up with additions, and I’ll put ‘em in.

And just so it’s clear, I’m not defending my doing any of these things. I truly do hate myself for each and every one of them (except the cats), and I’m not being snarky. It puzzles my therapist, even, how someone can hate themselves so much and not self-destruct, but I told her I was just too selfish to die.

Friday Random Ten: Awesomely Bad Edition

2006-08-18T15:44:00.000-05:00

As posted in comments at Feministe:

This Random Ten is composed solely of vh1’s awesomely bad songs (from here), numbered by their rankings, with commentary:

39. Informer - Snow
The moral of the story, based on what we deciphered on a long car trip: never bring your Atari to summer stock theater or Lou Diamond Phillips will slap you in the face and take all your Gak.

29. I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That) - Meat Loaf
What is ‘that’? We think it might be ‘lose weight’. I've seen Meatloaf skinny. It’s bad news.

23. Thong Song - Sisqó
I just like to say thong th-th-thong thong.

20. Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American) - Toby Keith
Why does he want to sodomize people with boots, anyway?

19. You’re the Inspiration - Chicago
You know your relationship’s in bad shape when ‘your song’ is Chicago’s “Hard For Me to Say I’m Sorry”. Which has very little to do with this song, but it’s a funny story.

17. I’m Too Sexy - Right Said Fred
I’m always in favor of absurd satire in song form.

10. The Heart of Rock & Roll - Huey Lewis
If Sir Mix-a-lot can have a traveling shoutout song, who’s to criticize the News?

7. Party All the Time - Eddie Murphy
For the love of god, Eddie, why?

5. Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice
Because anything less than the best is a felony.

3. Everybody Have Fun Tonight - Wang Chung
I know what a Wang Chung is!

and bonus: 1. We Built This City - Starship. All humor aside, this is one of my favorite songs.

and cat in shower pic:

Friday Random Ten: I don't recognize anyone else's music

2006-08-04T20:34:00.000-05:00

I wanted to play too, after seeing the Feministe and Pandagon kidz doing it.
So, my horribly out-of-touch list:

Reel Big Fish - Beer
Reel Big Fish - Hungry Like the Wolf
Beastie Boys - Intergalactic
Fatboy Slim - Weapon of Choice
Chemical Brothers - Rockefeller Skank
The Who - Baba O'Riley
The Venga Boys - Venga Bus (or whatever the hell it's called)
SR-71 - Right Now
Sir Mix-a-lot - Big Butts
PDQ Bach - Grand Serenade for an Awful Lot of Winds and Percussion (5 parts)

and of course, as always, the bonus track is Scott Bakula's Man of La Mancha!

and here is a cat pic.

EXTREME CLOSEUP LOKI!

And she wants to bone Joe McCarthy.

2006-07-30T18:56:00.000-05:00

Why I have three Ann posts in a row, I'll never know. I'm sure you've already heard about how she proclaimed that Bill Clinton must be gay because he likes to bone lots of chicks so I won't go into that aside from saying what?
Quote from an interview with her, on McCarthy:

Joe McCarthy, she said, was "a totally studly guy. He was a big bear of a man. Big, handsome man. Yes, McCarthy really would have been perfect. He was funny, he was big, he was studly, he was a boxer. Very solid on the issues. Really knew how to tick off liberals. He gets bonus points for that." She laughed. [NY Observer, archived here at Free Republic, sorry, only source I could find.]

Anyway, point was, go read this book to learn more about the Soviet spy-hunting era - there were lots of them, but they were gone by the time Joe got there - and to get nasty chills about just how crazy he was.

Oh, and just so I don't have to make another post about miss crazypants, she's been going around making fun of Rahm Emanuel for being a trained ballet dancer - go to her site to check it out, it's on the front page right now. Apparently that has something to do with how well he can work in politics? Oh, excuse me, she says it makes him a wussy faggy girlyman.

She's once again proved to me that on top of everything else that's wrong with her, she has horrible taste in male esthetics. Because damn. Dancers work their asses off, and male dancers are some of the most toned and sleek men out there. To me, that spells HOT. Not faggy. HOT. Think about it. A guy who can lift you up and toss you around, and is probably more flexible than you are. No gross bulging veins on those muscles. Not to mention the kind of stamina and muscle control you end up with...

~fans self~ OK, I better get back to work before I get too distracted :)

Keep out of the reach of children.

2006-07-30T18:51:00.000-05:00

They put Ann on the top shelf. Can't have kids thinking real people actually behave like that.

I think you can see Ann Coulter's poon.

2006-07-17T13:40:00.000-05:00

Wonkette covers it. Or doesn't, as the case may be.

I never actually thought she was secretly a man. I just think she's evil. And her books stare at me when I'm in Borders. Jon had to promise me that she can't get me through the tv.

Oh my god I hate Tom Coburn.

2006-07-17T12:40:00.000-05:00

He's on CSPAN repeatedly referring to embryos as young humans. Tells a story that a kid asked him why we fine people for hurting bald eagle eggs but fund people to 'kill young humans'.

He just had a chart talking about how if we kill embryos, we could kill the next JFK, MLK, Mother Terea, and Ronald Reagan. I think lots of people have already covered how this is RETARDED.

Then he goes on to say that the stem cell debate isn't a faith issue, but then slips up and says embryos are 'sacred'.

He claims he wants cures, and that people have to leave the country to get adult stem cell cures, and why are we killing young humans when we could be giving people these cures here except I don't want to fund that either?

I think he also tried to say that mitochondria are life. That is actually true in a way - scientists think that they used to be another organism that had a symbiotic relationship with early cells and were pretty much permanently taken in to the cells' makeup - but I really doubt that's what he meant, because he would've had to explain it, and he sure didn't. I just know that because despite my humanities degree, I'm a science nerd at heart.

You know that these people screaming about the babies that we aren't actually killing are going to take full advantage of the cures once we find them. It doesn't count when it's us, right?

Pretty much everyone in the public supports the research. The public hears the argument that a cell is more important than a person and doesn't buy it. My god, Bill Frist supports this bill! But Sam Brownback and Tom Coburn (I tuned in just as Brownback finished up, sorry) went on tv and said that liberals want to kill your babies so they can protect the bald eagles, and that that somehow relates to stem cells but we swear, not Jesus. No, there's no Jesus here, except for the Jesus that's here.

So I ask you:

What the hell is Tom Coburn's problem?!

When the Congressional Record or other transcripts become available - I'll check back tomorrow - I will link to and post exact quotes from the crazy bastard. 'Til then, you'll just have to settle for the word of a baby-eating liberal, amirite?

More tips that make you think I'm weird.

2006-06-15T17:33:00.000-05:00

- Don't be afraid to mix stuff when it comes to beauty products. Obviously try a little first, but it's great for finding ways to use up stuff you weren't going to finish off. Like I mixed a foaming soapy cleanser with some lotiony alpha hydroxy cleanser because one was too greasy and the other too drying. Result!

- In that vein: have makeup that's too dark in tone but otherwise right? try mixing a little of it with cornstarch powder (for powdery things or if you want to thicken the consistency), zinc oxide cream (look for it near the sunscreen - it's that surfer-nose stuff - or in the baby section as it's the primary ingredient in diaper rash cream), or milk of magnesia. Note that milk of magnesia is a bit drying and is really good for treating zits and soaking up oil, but it's going to (still) be liquid; the zinc oxide comes in an oil base, but doesn't leave a visible oil finish and is an anti-inflammatory agent (hence the diaper rash cream), so the oil shouldn't at all rule it out for oily-skinned kids - I love it on my oil slick of a nose - and! it'll give you a bit of extra sun protection.
Anyway, the point is to get something that'll keep its white pigment and can go on skin.

- If you buy condoms, and can shop online/have things shipped to you, Amazon has fantastic deals. I just bought these - 2 36-count boxes - for 26.38. That's less than 37 cents a condom. At stores around here, they're $12 for 12. And (curse you Amazon!) they're even cheaper now than when I bought them last week - $19.99 for the 72! And they're often in the 'free super saver shipping' deal. So you can afford to stock up, especially if you have a favorite model.

Small crazy animals.

2006-05-29T18:45:00.000-05:00

So, are opossums more easily confused by moving vehicles than, say, squirrels? I saw one in the street the other night, and it didn't seem to understand how to get out of the way of the car, even though the vehicle had come to a complete stop. It kept running back and forth over about an 18 inch area until about 2 minutes later it finally made up its mind. Maybe they really are just kind of dumb.

Yay for life hacks, or, I'm a cheap lazy hippie.

2006-05-28T17:04:00.000-05:00

- Calcium chews work just like Tums on indigestion as they've got the same major ingredient. They're not cheaper, but if you already have some, you don't have to double up purchasing/storing products. Obviously Tums supply calcium as well, but the chews are tastier and often have other supplements in them as well that are just nice to have.

- You can get basic jewelry, such as sterling silver chains or small hoop earrings, for ridiculously cheap at craft stores. Look in the jewelry findings for fun bits.

- Put a bucket under the shower while you're waiting for the water to heat, then use it to fill your washer. If you can spare the space, you can keep it in there while you shower off to the side and collect even more water - I can get 2 5-gallon bucketsful on days I wash my hair (it takes more shower time).

- Just about any soap or detergent can be used for laundry - leftover shampoo, extra dish soap, whatever. Good as long as your water isn't ridiculously hard and unsoftened for laundry; in hard water, soap can be a bit annoying. This works because laundry soap is, aside from the additives like brighteners or bleaches, just a variation of the detergents in non-'soap' body cleansers. It's all similar chemicals. If you're using actual bar soap, make sure it's powdered as fine as you can get it, or mix with borax or washing soda. I'll be back to add a recipe link later, but it's easy to google for - homemade laundry detergent should find it.

- Assuming it didn't make your skin hurt or anything, and you don't have anyone to give it to, use up rejected face cleanser on your body. More efficient than throwing it out.

- Hair conditioner can be shower lotion, like that fancy olay kind; shave gel; or fabric softener, on natural fibers especially .

And I don't even read comics...

2006-05-13T10:59:00.000-05:00

But I do read Tom. My banners, showing my allegiances in the upcoming Marvel Civil War (whatever the hell that is):

Also,

Edit: one more!

New bite-size post categories!

2006-05-12T20:10:00.000-05:00

I realized I don't post often enough because I think I don't have enough to make a full post, so I've decided to start also making little bite-size posts more often on various things not deserving of an essay. For example:

Random Facts I always wanted to know:
On air-exposed surfaces, sperm has a lifespan of 1/2 hour to a few hours, based on how long it takes for the semen containing it to dry completely. So, the 'wet spot' is potentially fertile, but only until it dries. (And it's pretty unlikely to transmit even when it's wet anyway, but that's beside my original point.)

Minirant:
My ass must smell like candy today, because everywhere I went, people were constantly up on it. I was in Walmart, and every time I tried to walk somewhere, there was someone right behind me. And never the same person, so it's not like I had a stalker. I've never had this problem in heavily-populated urban areas, so it makes me think that here people just aren't used to there being as many people as there are - like we've had a population increase to urban levels but without a corresponding change in the personality of the city.

Random Questions
Can cats smell people pheromones, or identify through their more sensitive sense of smell hormonal changes, or ID male vs. female humans by smell? More specifically, do you think my cat can tell that I'm female vs. Jon is male, and can he ID my menstrual cycle? Our girl kitty seemed like a 'daddy's girl', whereas Loki, Norse Cat of Mischief, is a 'mama's boy', and I'd love to know if any of that had to do with male vs. female smells.

So, like that. Also, I'm getting into life hacks - will edit with links to good sites later - and so that's going to be a category. Mainly I want to start writing more even if it's in smaller chunks. Let me know if it's working for you.

I wanna go dutch with Jesus.

2006-05-12T19:03:00.000-05:00

I just figured out something that bothers me about the concept of Christianity (as opposed to its implementation, which is what usually bothers me)by getting reacquainted with a cheesy forward from my grandma - the one about donuts, in case you've seen it, where the professor demonstrates salvation through donuts and pushups and i really just want to move on to my analysis because damn.

Anyway, what bothers me is this: Jesus died for your sins, just like the pushup kid paid for your donuts. But I was raised to pay my own way. In Christianity, that's not an option, and that makes me uncomfortable. In some sense, when someone pays for you, you feel an obligation, like you owe them something in return (you know, like they say about buying a woman dinner). I don't feel comfortable being obligated to my God - it feels like it cheapens the spiritual experience. I don't expect everyone to feel this way, as I know I have a freakishly overdeveloped sense of guilt (another reason why Jesus doesn't work for me, because damn, by my very existence I've just tortured someone and killed them), but it weirds me out. I want a religion that has you take responsibility for yourself. I'd rather pay for my own sins, no matter how much suffering that leaves me with, because at least that way I'm not stuck with the weight of a debt I can never repay.

I've got your number now, Ayn Rand.

2006-04-16T14:28:00.000-05:00

I found it.

'It' being the point at which, at least for me, the layout of Ayn Rand's Objectivism breaks down.

Objectivism is one of the philosophies that (until now) I knew was off - could just feel it - but that I couldn't find the flaw in the logic. It was all consistent, and the premises made sense, but the conclusion was just plain wrong. Around my house, this is known as the Austin Powers phenomenon - you know, "Yes... Yes... No! No!" I get the same thing with Plato.

But I found the flaw. So there, you crazy Alan Greenspan-boning Russian.

The philosophy basically lays out like this. (My summary from reading the summary in the back of the Centennial edition of Anthem.)

1. What's real is real, and our job is to perceive it. Creating your own reality by perception = wrong.
OK, though I'm not sure I completely agree, this doesn't set off any bells. Go on.

2. We are reasoning creatures, and the best way to deal with everything is through reason (since our job is to perceive stuff and figure out what to do with it). We must be free to use our reason as we see fit, and therefore guide our lives as we see fit.
Same response.

3. Therefore, we make our own choices. We are the captains of our own souls, so to speak. Therefore, everything that happens to us is of our own making - there is no such thing as a victim of circumstance - and therefore there is no place for altruism or charity, because that just subsidizes people who chose to make bad choices.
Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

There's a part 4, but it has to do with art and I don't care because I found the break point. Here it is:
You get where you are by making choices. Those who have crap lives just made bad choices so fuck them.
How do you learn to make good choices? You are taught, either through life experience or through schooling of some kind.
How do you get this experience and education? By learning from mistakes; by, say, going to school.

But how do you get into the school?

There's always a gatekeeper, whether physically or in an abstract sense. People who are poor and have crap lives don't get to learn to make good choices because they can't get the education/experience they need. They're kept out, by lack of resources, prejudice, what have you. They can't, say, make good choices with money, because they don't have enough to pay for school to teach them how, and they don't have enough to survive making mistakes and losing it.

That's what a true liberal (in all senses of the word) social safety net, both economically and culturally, is for. It helps people bypass the gatekeepers so that they can learn how to make choices. It's like the large-scale version of not punishing a kid for mistakes made in the process of learning. You can see it in job training programs, public education and healthcare, and welfare (when done right): not punishing people for being born poor. You can see it in making abortion, adoption, birth control, emergency contraception, and sex ed widely available and accessible: not punishing people for having sex. Because shit happens in life, and the world isn't fair. And if Ayn hadn't been so scarred by the Bolshevik Revolution, I expect, as she's clearly clever, that she would have made the connection.

So there, Ayn. I win. You can't make my brain hurt any more.

Sing with me: Well done, sister suffragettes!

2006-03-01T20:41:00.000-06:00

I was reading AmandaPandagon's post on Disney's Mary Poppins, and its portrayal of Mrs. Banks, the Victorian 'suffragette' (yes I know this is old, but I've been stewing on it for a while), and I had to have my say.

O venerable Amanda, I don't agree with you. Maybe I always just saw what I wanted to see, but I never saw Mrs. Banks as an indictment of feminism or the suffrage movement.

For me, Mrs. Banks is a dilettante, a lady who lunches who'll pick up whatever the new trendy hobby is. This one just happens to be suffrage, but I can picture her previously being involved in things like seances and flower arranging in the same fashion.

However, where Amanda and her sources see this as a straight condemnation of the movement, as something just silly rich women did for fun, I see it as a point of development for Mrs. Banks and the people around her. Thanks to Mary Poppins's [can you tell I hate AP style on this one] magic, she learns that it's more important, both in general and to the suffrage movement to be a mother to her children. She learns to be an activist instead of just a dabbler. She learns that change begins at home, and that though it's fun to chain yourself to the paddy wagon, she can have more impact by saying, look, I'm a sensible woman, and I want suffrage, so clearly this is what sensible women want.

I especially see this in the scene at the end where she takes her 'Votes for Women' banner and makes a kite tail from it. I think that, rather than that being an image of giving up her ideals to her family symbolised by throwing away the banner, it shows her development - she's not hiding her feelings from her husband, or limiting her 'activism' to just what she does with her rich friends. She says that her banner is 'a proper tail' for the kite, and the scene of it on the kite has it fluttering, extended so that you can clearly see the printing. She's flying her ideals over the city for everyone to see.

I think this has a relationship to the larger concept of feminist revolution, the idea of having mothers on board. No matter who else is in your revolution, because of our ingrained feelings about mothers and child-protectors, if you've got mothers on your side, it's a lot harder for your opposition to denigrate you, because how tacky and unfeeling and taboo to attack mothers!

It's kind of like Jon said to me once: when a man runs for president, if his wife isn't politically involved, it's considered hideously bad form to attack her as part of your campaign, because in the minds of the traditionalists you're probably trying to reach, the First Lady is untouchable until she brings it on herself (Hillary for example).

It's the same for feminist movements. We want suffrage, we want equality, we want rights, not just for a bunch of 'nutjobby lesbian manhaters' or whatever the stereotype is in the minds of our opponents, but for mothers, and for the children of the future. By having mothers as a visible part of your movement force, you can take advantage of the "American as Mom and apple pie" traditionalism and use it for your own purpose - to point out that treating women as second-class citizens is un-American. Everyone's got a Mom somewhere, and who wants to have to go tell their mom that they voted to oppress her and keep her as chattel?

I know we don't want to have to rely on the lines of tradition to chage stuff, but it may help.

Oh, and just because I'm a crazy nitpicker, I think the line is 'Our daughters' daughters will endure us", as in, will live on after us in the changes we've made; I always thought as a little one, until I learned that meaning of the word, that the daughters would have to put up with listening to stories of 'back in the day'!

Indignant on God's behalf

2006-03-01T20:29:00.000-06:00

I saw another stupid bumper sticker today that read, "Thank God Joseph and Mary were pro-life."

And I realised that this type of sentiment - and I doubt they realise this - implies that they think God is some kind of blithering idiot.

Now, stay with me on this one. Regardless of whether you take the story at face value - Mary was a virgin impregnated by the Holy Spirit - or a more interpretive one - my personal belief being that Mary got pregnant her first time, and God chose the child to be His - God wanted the child born and chose Mary for His purpose. So, to suggest that Jesus could've gotten aborted were Mary to get pregnant today implies that God's too dumb to pick someone who wanted a child rather than leaving it to chance. And of course, the fact that any number of things can happen to a fertilized egg between fertilization and birth, none of which would be anyone's fault, suggests that either God kept trying, or God knew what he was doing.

Same holds for people who try to claim that abortion is bad because omg what if we abort the Second Coming of Jesus? God knows we have free will, and he knows not all eggs make it into babies, whether through human intervention or not. So, if he really wants Jesus to be born, or born again, wouldn't you think he'd cover all his bases?

Death By Cheney

2006-02-13T15:23:00.000-06:00

Shamelessly drawing traffic from Jon to show a fun graphic I didn't even make, I just stole from my message board:

Catblogging: new trend?

2006-02-07T16:09:00.000-06:00

So I've noticed that my favorite bloggers often take breaks from their usual schedule to post catpix. In that grand tradition, here is my catkid, Loki the Norse Cat of Mischief, who is sitting in my lap right now--->

<---And this is the little catsister he never met, Mooshi. She passed away at a young age from feline leukemia.

I like to think that she sent Loki to keep an eye on us for her because of how he picked us out. We were at the shelter, wanting to adopt a cat, because we were so lonely without her, and were following around this little brown tiger, trying to make its acquaintance, when Loki came up to me and took my arm as if to say, no, come play with me instead. We figured it was a sign, made friends with him, and brought him home.

Blog For Choice Day: Because Corinna doesn't know where I live any more

2006-01-23T02:07:00.000-06:00

So I know I missed the date, and I hear you were supposed to sign up or something? but I decided that, like every other boring small-time female blogger with a story, I'd tell my story of experience with abortion. Don't worry, it's short and comparatively unemotional, as I am a CYBORG!

(The title refers to a crazy anti-abortion group leader who went to the same college I did. Note that crazy is a separate qualifier; we always felt that having her as a spokeswoman undermined her cause. She liked to hand out fetus dolls, and everything in her life was a reference to her political views. She despises Jon and, as he lives with me, with my paranoid imagination, I always pictured her as someone who would smile while throwing a Molotov cocktail into my house.)

All right, on with the show. I was 20. I had been with my ex for 3 years at that point. We had lost our virginity together back at 18, and were planning on getting married after college. But all was not well. Basically, this was around the time that our respective 'crazy's started to really manifest, and we fed off each other, and there was fighting, and crying, and accusations of saying things that the other person had no memory of saying and why the fuck would I say thats and well, bad things. We went on vacation together over the summer, while we were each at home from school with our respective families, which put me a 10 hour drive away from him, and 5 hours from our vacation, the drive to which was an adventure in itself.

When I finally arrived at our destination, I was so relieved and um, excited, to see him, that I forgot all about the birth control I had had to make a detour and buy as I'd forgotten my diaphragm at home, and we spent three days using the wishful thinking method. It was prime time for baby, too, so I found out 10 days later I was pregnant.

I found out the day after my period was due, as I used to go like clockwork. Fortunately, we'd discussed it long before, and I knew that abortion was the best choice, between the situation, the medication I had been taking at the time, and the fact that any extra hormones in my system make me want to kill myself (yes, literally). My mother was with me when I found out, a fact I think he never forgave me for, that I went to her first.

After some debate about logistics (which city do I go to, as I'd have to go back to school six hours away in a few weeks), I scheduled with PPChicago for RU-486.

Then the arguing began.

Both my family and his were aware and supportive - his mom and dad took care of me while the pills were doing their thing. But when I decided that I wanted to change my appointment time so that I wouldn't have to miss the first day of the semester driving 3 hours to Chicago, he flipped. He got it into his head that I wasn't taking this whole thing seriously enough, as I was still going about my life, not freaking out or grieving for a stupid mistake like he was. He didn't think I was acting traumatized enough! He was 100% with me on the choice for abortion, but he didn't understand that I wasn't upset, because he was. I respect his feelings immensely, but there's no reason I should be expected to feel the same way when I don't. I felt like I had an alien life-form in me, and I wanted it OUT. I think if I ever want to carry a pregnancy intentionally, I'm going to need counseling, not because I'm scarred, but because IT WAS FUCKING CREEPY.

Well, words were had, tears were shed, and we made it to D-Day intact. When we got to the building, they wouldn't let him in, because he'd had his ID taken as part of a speeding ticket stop. So in I go, give the lady my check for $450, and head down to the bunker for ultrasounds, blood tests, counseling, and meeting with the doctor. I felt bad sitting in the room with the women coming out from sedation, with me all chipper in my khakis and jacket, just because I had more time and money to avoid surgery. The doctor was vaguely creepy, but in a reassuring way - he struck me as someone who'd been doing abortions for a long time, possibly illegally before Roe, and who would continue to do so regardless of the law, not out of high-minded principles, but just because it was his job. He seemed kind of like he'd seen too much, but didn't quite know the right tone for a perky unafraid little suburbanite.

They gave me the pills and the instructions, and the painkillers and the phone numbers, and sent me home with instructions to expect the nurse's call tomorrow and to return for a followup in a month. Off I went.

Funnily enough, this is the anticlimactic part. Everything went to plan; I didn't even need the codeine they gave me - the heavy-duty ibuprofen was enough. I saw a small bluish shrivelled balloon emerge from my vagina, thought, hey, that's what I saw on the ultrasound, didn't expect it to be blue, wrapped it up and set it in the trash. Gave a prayer (or as close as I come to it) that I've repeated almost every day in the 4 years since: Thank you, God, for not making me carry this child.

My ex and I broke up 4 months later, and finally separated almost a year to the day after.

I see children, or think of how old mine would have been, and I feel an incredible sense of relief. I wasn't ready to carry a child. I don't know if I ever will be. And thanks to being a white suburban middle-class girl in America, I didn't have to. I'm not sorry.
And I'll be damned if I'll let anyone take that away.

A postscript: Oddly enough, I ended up sharing the fact of it with Jon on our first date. Not something I'd usually do, but it just seemed appropriate, and it was.

the PATRIOT Act ate the balls I don't have*

2006-01-01T18:44:00.000-06:00

Continuing:

- You cross a military base while driving back and forth to work. When you pass it, and realize that 'War' by Edwin Starr is playing on your mix cd (in between 'Stayin' Alive' and 'The Final Countdown'), you apprehensively change the track.

- You realize that by talking about the PATRIOT Act on your blog, you're just asking for it.

*as I'm female; in honor of the 'Ate My Balls' website series.

How you know the PATRIOT Act is getting to your mind, man.

2006-01-01T10:53:00.000-06:00

1. When you see that the nice old man who always stops and says hi to you at your lame retail mall job has a 'citizens to defeat Hillary' card in his wallet and you start to think he's out to get you.

2. You worry that the government is going to make you 'disappear' after spying on you through your cat's microchip ID ('Lo-Jack for cats').

More to be added as they arise.

The GOP: Where Every Day is Opposite Day!

2005-10-18T10:23:00.000-05:00

I finally figured it out. They're not stupid. Or heartless. Or even evil.

Republicans are five years old.

I get it now.

Note: 1/0/06 - long since forgot the rest of this, but I just love the title. Here ya go.

Song Interpretations, Part 3; Hello, Goodbye, Have Sex with Me?

2005-08-22T12:51:00.000-05:00

All right, you know the drill. Random stuff from my brain, no research done, sorry for any potential intellectual property issues but I didn't steal it.

Beatles - Hello Goodbye

You say yes, I say no
You say stop and I say go, go, go
Oh, no
You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello
This song has always struck me as having a narrative of a failed carpe diem poem. You know, gather ye roses while ye may, if we had world enough and time, and so on - life is short, so have sex with me now, before it's too late! See also Billy Joel's "Only the Good Die Young", although when I'm in a non-feminazi mood I tend to see that song as being a broader interpretation, more of a "get out and have fun and enjoy your youth while you can, part of which could be having sex with me" message. More obscure is Jon's favorite singer's dirtiest song, Jackson Browne's "Redneck Friend", another lovable carpe diem message - at least he promises to make sure she has a good time.
Anyway, I don't know if this song truly fits, but damn if I'm not going to make it fit!
She says yes - perhaps asking for a commitment; he says no; she says stop, it's not going to happen, he says go pushing the carpe diem. She bails on him for not respecting her feelings on the matter, and he misses her and wishes he could start over.

I say high, you say low
You say why, and I say I don't know
Oh, no
You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello
Perhaps he tries to get her to try some psychedelic fun so she'll loosen up, and she says no, asks him why it has to be this way, and he realizes he doesn't really have a good answer - he's just following the trend. Again, repeated, that she leaves, and he doesn't really understand, but wishes he could start over and get another chance.

Sorry for the short analysis. Back to work for me - I shall return. Possibly with a crosspost linked to Jon Maxson's America (link above) on my specific story-based take on why calling Harry Potter a Satanic device is lame, to pair with his more general social commentary on it. Because, dude. Seriously. I'm more of a Satanic device than Harry Potter, and I don't even believe in Satan outside of Dante and Piers Anthony. (I recently discovered that apparently I'm a Unitarian - how fun! - but more on that later. Go Sister Cattle Prod of Reasoned Discourse!)

Someone, somewhere, is in band camp.

2005-08-02T14:52:00.000-05:00

I got a funny feeling to that effect just now.

More on that later.

Song Interpretations, Part 2; Dark Side of the ... uh... Political Commentary?

2005-08-01T12:32:00.000-05:00

Same disclaimer: All I looked up on the internet was the lyrics to copy over, so if this is BS or someone else's already said it, I take the Han Solo. ("It's not my fault.")

Us and Them
And after all we're only ordinary men
What does this have to do with us normal people? Why are we taking sides against each other? More specifically, Vietnam? Why are we here?

Me, and you
God only knows it's not what we would choose to do
Again, we wouldn't be doing this if we had any say. We aren't the ones who wanted to go to war, figuratively or literally.

Forward he cried from the rear
and the front rank died
And the General sat, as the lines on the map
moved from side to side
The ones who choose to make war aren't the ones who die in it. They sit back and basically play Risk with real armies.

Black and Blue
And who knows which is which and who is who
So wait, what's the difference between us and those people again? Wait, they're kinda brown, I'm thinking about not caring! But does it really even matter anymore? We just get told 'those guys' and we have to shoot or be shot, since their generals are doing the same thing.

Up and Down
And in the end it's only round and round and round
No matter what they try to tell us about how things are going, nothing really changes.

Haven't you heard it's a battle of words
the poster bearer cried
Propaganda

Listen son, said the man with the gun
There's room for you inside
Recruiting

Down and Out
It can't be helped but there's a lot of it about
Poverty supplies troops, but also motivated the people we're fighting.

With, without
And who'll deny that's what the fightings all about
Yup, Marxist - the real source of conflict is class struggle. But more to the point, it's a matter of those who have nothing being used as cattle by those who have everything, and that happens on both sides of the Communist/Capitalist divide. So, again, why are we fighting these guys instead of helping them?

Get out of the way, it's a busy day
And I've got things on my mind
As my friend Marie once put it, "Were you thinking? Zap zap!" Don't question me, you're wasting my time, just go shut up and kill.

For want of the price of tea and a slice
The old man died
This all comes down to letting people starve over ideals they don't necessarily share in. Proles don't really care much about the Party as an idea, usually; they just follow the guys who promise to feed them and not kick them as much as the last guys.

I'm not taking this into any sort of modern commentary at this point - I may come back after I've completed my tour through Pink Floyd Land (or at least Dark Side of the Moon Land) and try to sum it up, but for now, I'll leave it at that.
Watch for further parts to the Floyd later, and let me know what you think.

Song interpretations, Part 1; or, the Tiny Dancer's Funeral

2005-08-01T12:11:00.000-05:00

Ugh, way to not post for ever and ever, but hey, job, and cat, and sick, and yeah. Anyway.

Note: I didn't internet-research this at all beyond copying the lyrics in, so feel free to call BS or unoriginal on me, as this is all just out of my head.

Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man
Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand
And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand

Jesus freaks out in the street
Handing tickets out for God
Turning back she just laughs
The boulevard is not that bad

Piano man he makes his stand
In the auditorium
Looking on she sings the songs
The words she knows, the tune she hums

But oh how it feels so real
Lying here with no one near
Only you and you can't hear me
When I say softly, slowly

Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today

First off, as many before me have said, the Tiny Dancer is a music box figurine. Hell, I have one of those musical jewelry boxes at home, from when I was little.
*However*, I think that there is more to it than that - the 'seamstress for the band' is a person. Clearly, the 'she' in the line before the first mention of the TD does not refer literally to the TD it/herself. The TD reminds him of the woman he used to know, and probably love (whether romantically or not doesn't matter, so no 'omg but Elton John's queer!!1!') It's a memento of their time together, when she was there for him and his band, supporting them in any way she could, by making their costumes or being their audience or just being there.

Now, here's the jump. The song is clearly a reminiscence, set in the past despite its use of present tense verbs in the verses. I think it's a eulogy of sorts, as the woman the TD reminds him of is dead.
'Lay me down in sheets of linen' - why specify this unless it's significant what kind of sheets they are? Symbolically speaking, linen is used for death shrouds.
He lays next to her in the sheets of linen, and speaks to her but she can't hear.
She's had a busy day today - her full and rich life, but can't hold him anymore, as she's been taken too soon.
'Now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand' - she's clearly gone, the language indicates finality, but nothing else in the song suggests that she left him because she stopped loving him or didn't want to struggle along with the band anymore.
And the song is much too gentle and bittersweet (at least in terms of EJ style) to have been for a lover who left - think "Candle in the Wind" - clearly a eulogy, vs. "I Guess That's Why They Call it the Blues", which is clearly for a leaving lover/failed relationship, and has much more of a tone of sadness, whereas "TD" has the sense of missing someone, but not really in sadness anymore.

Any thoughts? And any guesses as to who the woman is?

So, hey, I got a job.

2005-05-30T13:18:00.000-05:00

I start as a publishing editor for a safety training and publishing company tomorrow. I'm quite pleased - it's a little but very successful family-owned company, and the people are very nice.

But I'm scared. Not normal first-day-at-a-new-job scared, regardless of what my dad thinks (sorry Dad, but I tried to explain and it didn't make sense to you because you're not NUTZ).

I'm afraid I won't be able to handle the responsibility. Again, not like important-project responsibility (sorry again Dad), which I know I won't be getting for quite some time at this place, but the responsibility of the daily grind, the routine of getting up and getting ready and making it to work on time and just generally being a well-behaved employee.

I feel like I'm going to slip. Like at first there's the nervous tension, keeping me on my toes, but that once I get comfortable, once it's not New and Interesting to get up at 7 in the morning and go to work any more, I'll start losing it, and I'll lose my job. I tell people this and their answer is, well you just have to make yourself do it. And I ask them how. And they just look at me blankly, because I guess for normal, non-broken people, there isn't a 'how' for that sort of thing.

It's like when you ask people how they remember appointments and deadlines and to-do lists and such, and they either keep them in their heads or record them somewhere. And when you ask them how that works, they get confused. When you ask them what you should do if making lists and writing things down doesn't help you, because somehow the words on the paper don't hold their meaning for you, they tend to get puzzled. I can look right at my planner and see an appointment for today, and have it just not seem relevant. I make to-do lists and keep making them over and over in the hope that one of them will convey the urgency of things that need to be done. I've tried every type of calendar and planner and notebook and organizer setup I can think of, and it just doesn't mean anything. And it doesn't help.

And now that I have a chance to have a real grownup life, that realization scares me more than it did when I was in school and struggling to keep track of things, because the stakes are so much higher.

So, assuming anyone out there actually reads this, any suggestions?

WIN FREE SEX!

2005-04-22T20:12:00.000-05:00

Journalism joke. Ha. Welcome and greetings. I've never done this before, but I figured, I've got opinions, right? Anyway, so this is for sharing my opinions out into the INTERNETS where absolutely no one will read them, which should be fun.

My best friends and I in high school always wanted to become wandering philosophers when we grew up, but realised there wasn't really much of an industry in it. Then again, JP was going to school for engineering, wanted to be a National Forest Service park ranger, and is now close to graduating with a psychology degree to get a counseling certificate. I came to college as a chemistry teacher wannabe, graduated with degrees in business and French lit, and now my career goal is to be in publishing as a copy editor. Huh. But that's what's so neat about a liberal arts education.

I'm kind of hoping writing for the INTERNETS will keep me in practice while I job-hunt. I'm also hoping I can get Susie Bright to take a look at this blog when I get more things in it -- I'd love to be like her someday and get paid to philosophize people about sex. I don't really have any desire to be rich; I'd just like to be able to pay my bills and still be able to do something I enjoy. You know, use my full potential and all that. Oh hey, on the subject of businessbabble, I just read Keith Ferrazzi's Never Eat Alone, a business book about forming relationships. It's pretty neat, so if you, the INTERNETS, like that sort of thing, I'd recommend it. As long as I'm recommending things, I recommend Dell computers for the home user who doesn't build their own stuff -- my system fried in a lightning storm, right through my surge protector, and they've replaced my power supply and are shipping me a new monitor for free. Dude, that's some rockin' service. No, INTERNETS, none of these people are paying me. Pssh, I wish. Then I wouldn't be so broke.