Philosophizer

Famous People I Want to Punch in the Face: A New Philosophizer Feature

2009-07-27T00:00:00.001-05:00

Well, not really new, per se - Kelis was our first installment - but I've decided that such a rich topic deserves more attention.

Anyway, today's famous person I want to punch in the face: Taylor Swift.

Just listen to her song "You Belong With Me".

All about how she's a nerdy girl in love with her best friend, who loves a cheerleader and never sees her.
"She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, she's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers..."
Oh, please. Taylor Swift, you are a beautiful blond princess who I'm certain has never been overlooked by a boy you wanted, ever. Just for once, can't you let an actual nerdy girl make it big with this song, instead of being all "poor me, I'm just not hot enough *tosses blond hair as boys do your bidding*"
Give me a fuckin' break. From all the girls out there who actually do have this problem: shut the hell up, cheerleader.

Also, "Love Story". Good for you, I'm proud you successfully passed sophomore English. You are not Romeo and Juliet, nor are you Hester Prynne. Your teenage love is not difficult and tortured and you are not a special snowflake just because Dad doesn't like your boyfriend. I liked this song a lot better when I thought the chorus said "This love is *typical*, but it's real..."
You are not special. Every teenager thinks this. It's a cliche for a reason.

In short, punch in the face.

I want to punch Kelis in the face

2007-04-11T21:46:00.001-05:00

The finger cymbals! They hit in the wrong places! ARGGGH!

Sure, she could be deliberately violating the conventions of music, but judging by the normalcy of the rest of the song, I think not.

Edited on July 7, 2007: I've identified that it's possible that the hits are evenly spaced, but simply out of phase with the music - like, they take place in multiples of something that's not divisible by the 4/4 meter of the rest of the song. It sounds like they happen a measure later each time the chorus cycles through. This does not reduce my desire to punch Kelis in the face.

Been a long time.

2009-07-24T22:49:00.004-05:00

So here are pictures of cats.

This is Loki Tiberius Cat.

And this is Harvey Charlene Dent Cat.

They're fuzzy.

Argh, hiding things on your website

2008-04-21T20:00:00.003-05:00

I tried and tried and couldn't find a place on Amazon.com to send in suggestions. And I have several; maybe if I put them here someone will find them!

in the search-narrowing items, make it so you can also use them to eliminate categories (for example, I was just searching for a new 2.5" hard drive, and I would've liked to be able to eliminate everything smaller than I want, without having to rule out a good deal on something bigger than I expected.)
have a way to sort by, or only show, things that are eligible for Super Saver shipping.
as a corollary, sort by lowest price including shipping.
improve category tagging - this is something that drives me batty about eBay as well. Hard drive enclosures should not be listed under 'internal hard drives'. I know sellers set those, but maybe there could be some kind of system where users could suggest proper tagging, or note items that don't belong in a category?

Thoughts?

Pardon me, sir, but I appear to be haX0ring ur network

2008-04-18T21:53:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I identified a strange overlap between two fields I never expected to have any commonality - table manners, especially traditional Continental styles, and being a geek. Two unrelated fields, both of which - get this - will train you to be able to eat with a fork in your left hand. Continental manners dictate that you not swap your fork back into your right hand after cutting food on your plate; most people write and mouse with their right hand. So, I realized that my high school French Club dinner training meant that I could eat and do a puzzle or work online at the same time. I'm sure mes profs have all suddenly felt a strange chill go down their spines just now.

"It's too late, Elliot - he's already gone."

2008-04-08T17:12:00.002-05:00

Barack Obama ponders Floating Head President?

Just because you have a uterus doesn't mean you have to use it.

2008-04-04T00:53:00.003-05:00

As promised over at Dubito, here's my crude attempt at a bumper sticker in response to those cutesy ones with a baby on them that say, "I'm a child, not a choice!"

Now, I don't have any problem at all with women who choose to incubate offspring - some illogical part of my brain figures that other people having children means I don't have to - but even if you do have kids, you are more than your uterus. And I think that's something everyone (or at least everyone who doesn't hate women) can get behind.

If anyone likes this, feel free to use it, but it would rock my world if you credit me. And if you make money off it, I want a cut :)

Other uses for hair gel?

2008-03-23T11:53:00.003-05:00

So I've acquired several bottles of hair gel. I don't use gel, and Jon will only use a very specific kind, of which these are not. Any ideas as to what non-hair use I could put it to?

Alternatively, if someone wants a crapload of gel, drop me a line and I'll send it all to you.

Actually, now that I'm on the subject, what should I do with a bunch of eyeshadow and lipstick I'm not going to use on my face? They've all been used at least once, and none of them are fancy brands, so I doubt anyone would want them, but I'd prefer not to just pitch it all. Thoughts?

'Recycle' or Reuse?

2008-03-21T18:53:00.003-05:00

So, I've had this question floating around my head for, like, forever.
Is it better/more ethical to modify a possession you have to make it more useful/pleasing to you, or to donate it to charity? (For example, reconstructing t-shirts vs. giving them to Goodwill.)

I'm having trouble deciding.

I need to pare down, but I don't want to get rid of things that I could use and then find myself replacing them in a few months.
I don't get a tax break for donations, but my mom and dad do, so I give them my stuff to donate along with theirs, but we're not talking anything more valuable than a few old cotton sweaters and t-shirts.
I want to alter some clothes to make them more like things I like (v-necks instead of crews, for example), but I'd hate to cut them all up and then decide I don't like them, but now they're not good enough to donate.

I'm overthinking this, so I decided to post it and let you do the work instead!
(I also emailed it to Unclutterer.com, so if I hear anything from them, I'll post/link it.)

Philosophizer and Thomas Dubya Hobbes Present: Loliticians!

2008-02-12T17:09:00.001-06:00

Rudy Giuliani spent $50 million to win one delegate, then promptly dropped out of the race.

I so called this.

2007-12-06T13:20:00.000-06:00

I just saw a Hillary Clinton ad featuring Wesley Clark. VP anyone?

Also, the calling her by her first name vs. last name for Obama. I thought about it and realized that, yes, I call her Hillary and him Obama, but I say:

Rudy
John McCain and John Edwards
"Who?" (Chris Dodd)
the crazy magnet and the gnome (Paul and Kucinich - who Jon calls 'the Kooch')
Alan "I'm blacker than you" Keyes
Mitt-Mitt - which is almost always preceded by the phrase 'shut your hole'. Eventually I think my brain's going to just assume that "Shut Your Hole Mitt-Mitt" is his actual name.

edited 2/8/2008 to add: after Super Tuesday, Republicans are now reduced to a choice between Walnuts and Fuckabee. I just like saying that one. Give it a try - Fuckabee. FUCKABEE!

Global warming is in ur jetstream, fuX0r1ng ur weathers

2008-02-08T20:54:00.000-06:00

So in the last month we've had three instances of temperature shifts between low-40s and single digits in a span of less than 36 hours. And if I hear one more person say "hurr hurr I guess that shows those climate scientists a thing or two", I will KILL. Because seriously, you shouldn't speak about things you don't understand. This weather is evidence of global warming - it makes every kind of weather more extreme and variable. Summers are hotter, winters are colder, droughts are drier, monsoon rains are wetter, hurricanes, tornadoes, and thunderstorms are stronger and more dangerous.

So, science. Get some.

Friday Random Ten: Are My Ovaries Exploding Edition

2007-12-06T13:29:00.000-06:00

Soulja Boy gets to be number one because he was performing here last weekend. Jon explained to me that to "Roosevelt that ho" means to attempt to pack the Supreme Court so they stop striking down your shit.
Ookla the Mok - Baby's Head (baby's got a soft spot)
ABBA - Fernando
Ben Folds - Such Great Heights
Eric Johnson - Cliffs of Dover
Thurl Ravenscroft and Dr. Seuss - You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch
Eartha Kitt - Santa Baby
DMX - Party Up - which, by the way, the three simultaneously most terrifying and most awesome words are "DMX Christmas album"
Like 12 versions of my favorite Christmas carol, Do You Hear What I Hear
The National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation theme

Also, my ovaries are not exploding. At least, not any more than usual. Thank you for asking.

Countdown to idiot MRAs thinking this is real and/or a good idea starts now

2007-12-06T13:50:00.000-06:00

Onion: Man Finally Put in Charge of Feminist Movement
I love the part where he shatters the glass ceiling by 'making some calls to the big boys at the top'.

Friday Random Ten: Christmas Shouldn't Start in November Edition

2007-11-09T16:56:00.000-06:00

Seriously. I spent yesterday and today, and will likely spend Sunday, decorating the store* for Christmas. (Well, I spent yesterday and this morning decorating, and this afternoon helping someone else change everything to the way she wanted it (which is fine, I just wish I'd known she had strong opinions before I started), but same thing.)

*yes, right now I work in a store. I'm on leave from the IT job, just so you know I'm actually trying and not giving up and settling for a life in retail.

Offspring - Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)
Weird Al - Weird Al Show Theme
The Coral - Dreaming of You
Shocking Blue - Venus
Weird Al - I'll Be Mellow When I'm Dead
Neil Diamond - Cracklin' Rosie
Killers - Somebody Told Me
Doors - Touch Me
Rolling Stones - Shattered
Soulja Boy - Crank That (only because Jon was going to do the Soulja Boy dance for me)

Underneath it all, apparently I'm eight years old.

2007-11-08T22:10:00.000-06:00

I laughed for a minute straight when I saw this.

It doesn't hurt that this belongs to a former client of my company's who refused to pay us because 'they didn't feel like it'.

Oh my god, sheep is driving! How can this be?

2007-10-17T15:24:00.000-05:00

Car full of Kiwis!

Dang, it's been a long time since I posted anything.
So "Black Sheep" is a horror comedy in the style of "Shaun of the Dead". It's set in beautiful New Zealand and is awesome. Sounds like actual New Zealand actors in it, too. Sheep eat people. It's great. Hopefully we'll have a review up at Movies Schmovies soon, but Tom had to spend his evening figuring out how to teach high school sophomores about logical fallacies without offending anyone. So yeah. Go rent it.

Friday Random Ten: Eating Waffles Edition

2007-05-25T08:50:00.001-05:00

Bangles - Different Light
Fatboy Slim - Praise You
Ozzy Osbourne - Crazy Train
Rob Paravonian - Pachelbel
Ben Folds - Underground
U2 - Discotheque
White Stripes - Seven Nation Army
Alice Cooper - School's Out
Timbuk 3 - My Future's So Bright (I Gotta Wear Shades)
Escape Club - Wild Wild West
Ben Folds - Rockin' the Suburbs - Shake your booty while the band complains...... - yes, I loves me some Ben Folds. I got to see him in concert. That was a fun 2 days - I drove 2 1/2 hours after work to see him at a college and got back home at god-knows-when in the morning to get up the next day at 7:30 to go to work, then that night saw Eric Clapton - fortunately he was playing 5 minutes from my house.

Friday Random Ten: Fergalicious Edition

2007-06-01T16:57:00.001-05:00

What the hell is "floxy"? I know I'm not the only one who hears it.

Is it this?

Or this?

Or this?

Or maybe even this?

Anyway, the ten:

Ben Folds - Rent-a-Cop
Neil Young - Heart of Gold
Beatles - Hey Bulldog
Paul McCartney and Wings - Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey
Donovan - Sunshine Superman
Led Zeppelin - Misty Mountain Hop
Ringo Starr - Back Off Boogaloo
George Harrison - When We Was Fab
Who - Join Together
Peter, Paul, & Mary - If I Had a Hammer

Bonus of Bob Dylan - Positively 4th Street. I didn't actually listen to this, but I talked about it with my boss today.

How dare they have my idea first!

2007-07-07T20:39:00.001-05:00

D. Simpson of I Drew This did my Republican Opposite Day joke back in 2004.

I swear, I just now, today, was introduced to this comic. I love it. But I swear I didn't steal the joke.

Bastards.

Friday Random Ten on Saturday: Missing the Point Edition

2007-07-07T21:03:00.001-05:00

So I love the concept of the FRT, but since I rarely listen to music during the week, and usually carry around a limited playlist that I listen to obsessively until I scrap the whole thing and start fresh, it's hard. But in the spirit of the FRT, instead this week I give you:

The best concerts that never happened....

Earth, Wind & Fire, Aqua, and Heart - the Captain Planet tour
Snoop Dogg, Lil' Bow Wow, Bow Wow Wow, and Seal - the Things that Bark tour
Grand Funk Railroad, Chicago, Jefferson Airplane, and the Cars - the Transportation tour (Chicago started out as The Chicago Transit Authority)
Fountains of Wayne and Garth Brooks - the Schwing! tour
Pink Floyd, Jethro Tull, Molly Hatchet, and Alice Cooper (though he has to open, since he doesn't quite fit anymore) - the No Such Person tour (alternatively, if you want to get obscure, the Gravy Train tour - "And by the way, which one's Pink?")

OK, that's a good start. Share yours, and let me know if you've heard of any band/musician with the name Anne/Ann or Emily in their name, because I want to put them with Good Charlotte as the Bronte Sisters tour.

omg i can has lols!

2007-06-01T12:51:00.001-05:00

http://laughingsquid.com/roll-your-own-lol-not-just-for-cats-anymore/

OK, go here, then go to all the wonderful lolsites. Highlights include:

Televangelists

Theorists

lolChaucer

Batmans

Presidents

more Presidents

of course, this assumes that you already go to I Can Has Cheezburger?

you do, right?

you better if you know what's good for you....

that being, lolcats!

How could this not be the best thing evar?

2007-04-26T09:19:00.001-05:00

A webcomic about the adventures of a doctor who is also a ninja.

Seriously. Dr. McNinja. Admittedly I've only read one story arc*, but the concept alone spells awesome.

*A shadowy nemesis unmasks himself to reveal that he has a secret weapon against the doctor - he's a kid with terminal cancer, so the doctor can't in good conscience defeat him. So the doc cures his cancer instead.

OMG open source software is for COMMIEZ!1!

2007-02-17T11:33:00.000-06:00

I'm just waiting to hear it. 'It's PATRIOTIC to only use software you had to pay for! Linux is treason! Why do you hate AMERICA?!'*

What the hell am I talking about? Go here.

*Note: I know approximately jack about Linux and work for a tech company that's a Microsoft partner. But aside from that we're all about the free stuff.

Friday Random Ten: A Week Behind Edition

2007-01-26T12:46:00.000-06:00

I totally wish I could use moving as an excuse for missing last week, especially since I had my list all ready and just didn't take the time to post it, but that's this week. Here's what I heard on the radio last week:

Scorpions - Rock You Like A Hurricane
Patty Smyth - Goodbye to You (I think.)
Van Halen - Beautiful Girls
Black Crowes - Hard To Handle
Gwen Stefani - Wind it Up
Van Halen - Dance the Night Away
Def Leppard - Pour Some Sugar on Me
THE COOG! - Jack and Diane
INXS - New Sensation
BTO - Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet

So the odd one out is Gwen. I was in Old Navy, and I realized two things. One, Gwen's latest work and Fergie's stuff are the Pixi Sticks of music - tasty, but without substance, not very good for you, and some people are allergic to them.

Two, what the hell, Old Navy? Who told you you were allowed to do that to fashion?! I had a gift certificate, and I used it on the one sweater that wasn't either expensive, god-awful, or both, and some plain socks. Formal capris, '70s upholstery prints, and maternity-looking tunics are Not. Ok. Just no.